tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
