Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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