There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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