I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
