i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Dear god my vagina.
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