haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
