A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
