walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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