I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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