The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
