so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
