Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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