if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
