Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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