It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She even gives head with a lisp.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
