i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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