Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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