He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize