just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
this is an emotional support booty call
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize