I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
