I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
