Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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