i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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