After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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