One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
