im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
