Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We talked him into tasing himself.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
