im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
