If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We left the knife in your bed.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
