There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
