Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Randomize
