Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
