i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Are my feet made of real feet?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
