Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
high people should be assigned attendants
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
