It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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