So drunk its hurt
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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