So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
