she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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