there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
