So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
