i think i have two assholes
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
