bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
