so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
