There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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