Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
two words...techno handjob
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
