I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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