woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
