I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
