he thought i was a dude.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
