she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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