Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
