I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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