I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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