wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
