You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
